116 days to go

Heaven forfend that, the day after England’s first World Cup match, I should start to claim that there are some things other countries can do better than us. Certainly not, say, stopping balls meandering into goals. Or having a striker who can’t recognise a ball at all.

But what we lose in actual sporting ability, we gain in barbecuing, frosty drinks and amusing England-branded boob tubes. We recognise our failings and compensate in other ways, maintaining that essential balance.

So, bearing in mind our way with the performance outerwear, but lack of craggy outcrops, I took myself, the boots and the mosquito-proof shirt off to visit Our Graz Correspondent to see what a mountain was really capable of.

What it was capable of, it turned out, was a great pointiness. And bears (apparently). And, as a warning, churches featuring withered corpses on display as, one assumes, a cautionary tale against excessive hiking.

Ignoring that, OGC towed me up an extreme hillock a quarter the height of The African Mountain (it’s starting to take on Macbeth-stye mythology the closer it gets), then a series of smaller hills/staircases in the area. They like a romp at an angle those Austrians, thinking nothing of banging in a staircase when some would say maybe installing a church at street level wouldn’t be the worse thing.

However, they too, like the English, know how to compensate and are aware that sometimes a person needs more than just a feeling of overwhelming smugness after staggering their way to the top of a mountain. Sometimes they like a beer, maybe a meal featuring some pumpkin seed products. And they don’t disappoint, making sure all peaks are fully catered. A lesson for all.


What we have learned:
Flying over a mountain range on the way in, I noted a subtle shift in my mindset, almost three months into the training. Instead of looking around at my fellow passengers to see who I’d eat in the event of an Alive-style calamity, I considered what angles I’d take to descend to safety*.



Boot update:
That’s right, Ryanair, I do wear them as regular shoes. Not just because they’d take me over your 10kg limit in my suitcase. Honest.





*Like I’d have the foggiest....there’s just no-one delicious on Ryanair.